(Overture - Instrumental)
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(Why Can't The English)
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter,
Condemned by every syllable she ever utters
By law she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue

Aaoooww! Aaoooww!
Heaven's! What a noise
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education
Oh, come sir, I think you picked a poor example
Did I

Hear them down in Soho square
Dropping "h's" everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school
Wadaya tike me for, a fool
No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike

Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one
Garn, Garn
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that

It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir, Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too

I beg your pardon sir

An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to set

A good example to people whose
English is painful to your ears

The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
In America, they haven't used it for years

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
Norwegians learn Norwegian, the Greeks have taught their Greek
In France every Frenchman knows his language fro "A" to "Zed"

"The French never care what they do, actually
As long as they pronounce in properly"

Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And Hebrews learn it backwards
which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak
Why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak.
